Musings of the Faithless

When I saw this meme, it made me think of faith.  I realize it is two different Torii, but still the same message; a people's faith in something greater than themselves.  Among the many religions I never found one that rings true.  I claim Taoism, but the Cimmerian belief is more mine.  They believed the gods were to busy to care about us.  The only time we would see them is after a battle, where they picked through the fallen for the strongest to serve them.  This makes far more sense to me than some book or preacher telling us to beg forgiveness for being weak.  Nope, I have no faith in the gods or their benevolence.


Every four years, I watch educated, highly intelligent people turn into foaming fanatics as they try to elect the president.  It is always about not letting the evil party take control of our country.  I find this blind faithfulness disturbing.  (You realize it costs nearly 6 billion dollars to elect a president now, shit is expensive!)  Hurricane Katrina taught me the truth about our government.  It is about money.  Simple.  I worked as a designer for a construction company.  I created a simple home that would withstand hurricanes and tsunamis, based on the principles of T'ai Chi.  I laid out construction protocols, pricing, profit margins.  Two weeks after mobilization, a team could be finishing a house a day.  Need more, add more teams.  Imagine, moving into your new, better home seven days after the first of the team showed up.  At first, everyone loved it...until they started dipping their paws in.  The price doubled and my idea was no longer feasible.  Now you tell me if government is for the people.  Nope, no faith in government unless I have the cash.

It seems everyone has faith in the human race.  I also believe lemmings have faith in the "slice" as well.  I was raised to take folk by their word.  Your word is binding, you live by it.  Many people have failed this simple task.  Years ago, I was apart of a group charged with spreading a Healing Qigong through the US.  We each had a form to learn.  It was a matter of time before the group started fighting about things.  No one memorized their stuff, they were too busy criticizing every one else.  I lived up to their promises and learned all 18 forms.  I figured I could help.  When they found out...I was the one ostracized for meddling.  I have only ever taught one form, to a gentleman dying of Pancreatic cancer.  He died well, no pretense, no fear.

I once belonged to a Zen Monastery.  I cooked, I cleaned and I taught the Zen masters to speak English.  For the most part, I was tolerated.  Jian Fang was the one master that stood out.  We got along fine.  He would come find me and be his second for prayers and blessings.  Talk about being out of place.  Sometimes, he had me "recite" them.  He would whisper and I repeated in my horrible mockery of Mandarin.  I asked him about it and the consternation among the other masters that it caused.

He smiled and explained that the other masters come from privilege, from education, from money.  They are not like us.  We come from the military.  We know the price of causing pain.  Didn't make me feel any better, but I understood.  Decisions based on learning are fallible, whereas decisions based on experience gives us the insight into the amount of pain necessary in making choices in life.

Jian Fang went to explain we do not belong among people.  At this point, I got to rib him about being a Zen master among a flock.  He pointed out that we have two dragons within us.  One dragon is what the people see, the other is us.  Jian Fang did not move among people, he is a lost warrior following the invisible path as best as he can.  Zen Master Fang is the wise dragon everyone listens too.  He summarized by saying, we can not be a part of the people, but we are here to help.  Then he would finish the conversation with his famous quote for me, "Do not think about it.  You are more Zen than Zen."  Never knew if this was an insult or compliment.

It has been 22 years since I seriously hurt someone.  I had a short career in Full Contact fighting.  My last fight was the only fight that lasted more than a round, almost all six until I got the TKO.  Richard Bartik, a cruiser weight, is the toughest person I ever fought.  I had to put on weight since the middle weights would no longer fight me.  The first round was a push.  Bartik was big, strong and tough as concrete.  I still managed to drive him to the mat twice.  Second round, he caught me as I slipped and I hit hard.  I was more surprised and embarrassed at tripping myself.  I kipped back up, nearly clobbering the surprised referee.  My conditioning starting to pay off as his arms dropped and his legs grew sluggish.  Two more times I had pounded him to the mat and still he rose.  The next four rounds I was in total control and Bartik became a punching bag.  I started to be concerned and let up on the power, just determined to fatigue him and let him drop.  Each round and he dropped twice and got back up, Bartik's spirit was the definition of indomitable.  At the end of the sixth round, he went down a third time.

I walked away the winner. Four months later Bartik reached me and told me the aftermath.  He went to the hospital that night to have his ribs checked.  What he found out was; micro-factures through the arms and legs, cracked ribs, internal bruising and bleeding, cracked wisdom teeth and major concussion.  He bragged it was the greatest beating he ever had and wanted a rematch.  My thought was, I did that without really trying.  I told him I was no longer a fighter and wanted to meditate and cultivate character.  Truth is...there is a place deep within, that enjoys crushing challenges.  Often there is pain involved.  I prefer that dragon to stay deep within and never see daylight.

As much as I wish to be myself, there is no room in society for me.  My workouts lately have been about my faith and how little faith I do have.


What do I have faith in?  At the end of the battle, I will be standing.  I know the gods will still not care.  I know our leaders will still turn their backs on us.  I know promises still go unfulfilled.

I know the sun will still radiate, the rain will fall, the trees will grow...and I will stand alone.  This is my faith...my religion.