Cat: Hey, floor is dirty!
Me: So?
Cat: floor...is...dirty. Run that machine of yours.
Me: You want me to run the vaccum and suck up all that Cat fuzz, Cat Yack and general cat fuckery?
Cat: Yes, , but keep it down so as not to disperse our calm.
Me: You know it is you catz that make my floor dirty.
Cat: No, that is not us. You just have dirty floors. Please proceed with cleaning at once.
Me: and maybe you catz can stay off my forbidden counters.
Cat: That is not us.
Me: I find Kitty litter on the counter every morning.
Cat: That is not proof and I stand by my last comment.
Me: I have pictures of you on the counter.
Cat: Photoshop.
Me: Why am I arguing with you?
Cat: We wonder about that too. Floor please!!!
Me: I could shave you catz? Solve the dirty floor problem
Cat: We know where you sleep.
Me: Yes, and I'll sleep quite well.
Cat: All this energy could have cleaned the floor be now. You are infringing about my laze time in the fading sunbeam.
Me: of course, no catz means a clean house.
Cat: I'll tell mom.
Me: Not if you are gone.
Cat: She is smart, she will figure it out.
Me: I'll pick up some plushy toys and laze them about the house.
Cat: We disapprove of your snark.
Me: Where are you going?
Cat: To leave some snarky incentive in your shoe.
Me: (head bowed in defeat).
